You Can't Leave Your Hat On

As always - The Cast of Characters

Me (The Daddy)
The Bean: Age 8
The Butterfly: Age 6
The Darling Wife

Back to school; back to reality.


I returned Sunday night from a Writer's Retreat called Killer Nashville.  It's all about writing mystery thrillers about psycho killers and serial murderers.


Not exactly what I write about.  But grand fun all the same.


Especially, the Cadaver Dogs.


Kayso I get home on Sunday night and The Bean and The Butterfly are excited about their back-to-school clothes.


The Butterfly sports a shirt with a HUGE Butterfly on the side.  It sort looks like she's being pollinated. 

The Bean wears a little Catholic School Girl skirt with a matching Plaid Newsboy Hat.


I think I found the exact hat on the Internet!!!


I think I spelled 'Plaid' correctly!!!


Kayso, she's pretty psyched about this new outfit, especially the hat.


Personally, I have learned to NEVER TRUST GIRLS IN HATS.  


But that's just me.


Apparently, The Bean's school shares a similar feeling about hats.  They won't let her wear her hat in class.


But she's cool with that.  Because she's cool.

Another Milestone

As always - The Cast of Characters

Me (The Daddy)
The Bean: Age 8
The Butterfly: Age 6
The Darling Wife


The Bean is far braver than I.


Having grown up in the 80's, I tried (and often failed) to be fashion forward.


Or, at least, fashion current.


I owned Parachute Pants back when they were in style (barely).  

Damn, I was cool.

But The Bean passed another Little Girl rite this Saturday.  She got her ears pierced.  


I neither had the stomach nor the charisma to pull off pierced ears.  What if it hurt?  What if I was permanently damaged.  What if I did it and it ceased being cool? 


What if Johnny Depp didn't make 20 Pirates of the Caribbean movies?


So I wussed on getting an earring.  The Bean did not.


She held onto the DW's hand and grimaced a little.  But before you knew it, both ears were donned with shiny blue glass.


She gleamed brighter than the faux stones ever could.


The Butterfly doesn't want her ears pierced.  Ever.


I tell her that when she's ready, I'll do it with her.


I hope that Johnny Depp makes a lot of Pirate films.

Dog Pizza

As always - The Cast of Characters

Me (The Daddy)
The Bean: Age 8
The Butterfly: Age 6
The Darling Wife
The Buffett Dog!!!

The Buffett Dog (!!!) celebrated his first birthday in style.  His cousin Bolt was on hand, and he got a good run on the beach.


And he got his very own special treat - a Dog Birthday Cake - which kinda ended up looking like a pizza.  Hint - the Pepperoni-looking things are actually Canine Canadian Bacon.


They look yummy.


They're not.


Anyway, Buffett is beside himself.  He woofs (sorry) down the Doggie Cake and happily goes to play outside.


It is about 95 degrees at the beach.  Buffett is in full winter coat.  So he starts to shed.


A lot.


Combing the fur is tranquil to the DW.  It's like crack.  The more she brushes, the more tufts come out.  


End of Day One - Buffett is minus enough hair to make another whole dog.


End of Day Two - More of the same


End of Day Three - More of the same


End of Day Four - The DW has gone entirely mental.  Her black jeans are covered in golden-blonde doggie cast-offs.


She looks like a crazy cat lady.


You know, except with dogs.

Ballet Moms Go Berserk

s always - The Cast of Characters

Me (The Daddy)
The Bean: Age 8
The Butterfly: Age 6
The Darling Wife

Getting into Miss Mary’s ballet class is akin to getting into Yale.  There is a long waitlist.


Last year, The Darling Wife arose herself at 5 AM on a Saturday to sign the girls, The Bean and The Butterfly up for ballet.


She was number 86 in line.


So this year, the DW had a plan.  Camping out.


Insane.  Right?


So this year, she leaves the house at four in the afternoon and arrives at the studio.  She is number 36 in line.


36?


Yes, 36.


She has a laptop computer in tow.  A cooler filled with the basic necessities of the Atkins Diet – some kind of meat and some kind of cheese.  And a stack of books to read.  None of which were written by Yours Truly.


Rrrr.


There are men camping as well.  She will mention to me later that it was sexy for them to have camped out for their daughters.


Great.


The men, it seems, have brought a poker table and beer and cigars.  The other mommies are sipping Chardonnay in Styrofoam coffee cups.


The DW is lacking in wine.  This will not stand.


So she calls my Dad.  “Please bring me some wine,” she says.


Apparently, it’s too much trouble to stop at a store, so he brings her the best French wine he has.


“Thank you,” the DW says.  “This is for your granddaughters,” she reminds him.


This all happens around 7:00.  The mommies are already restless.  They are jockeying for position, quizzing each other as to which classes their precious pumpkins are enrolling in.


The man at the front of the line will have none of it.  “I’m not supposed to say a word,” he says.


The night eventually passes.  A bottle of French wine bites the dust.  Mommy bonding occurs.


And despite the incredible odds, The Bean and The Butterfly land in Miss Mary’s class.


And ballet Dads are sexy…


…still can’t get past that one.

The Bride

As always - The Cast of Characters

Me (The Daddy)
The Bean: Age 8
The Butterfly: Age 6
The Darling Wife

 

My cousin got married on the Seagrove beach last week. It was the first wedding The Bean and The Butterfly. attended.

 

It was a beautiful ceremony on the non-oil soaked beach along the Florida Panhandle.

And the Groomsman got to wear Tommy Bahama shirts and linen pants.  And no shoes.  

 

Sweet!

 

The reception was very nice as well. And The Bean was taking notes.

"I want to sit next to her," says The Bean. "I want to be near the Bride."

"But Bean," I say, "she needs to sit next to her husband."

"I can sit on the other side," she says.

I agree to let her walk over and see The Bride up close. She considers this to be a good compromise.

The Bean is wearing the second best dress in the room - white linen with a little tie in the back.

She looks good and she knows it.

The Bean inserts her cute self into the wedding party.

Pictures are taken and she has the biggest smile you've ever seen.

The Bean at a wedding.

Yikes!

Flash Forward

As always - The Cast of Characters

Me (The Daddy)
The Bean: Age 8
The Butterfly: Age 6
The Darling Wife

 

The Bean had her First Communion last Sunday.  

She was decked out in a beautiful white dress, complete with white High Heels and a Veil.

Yes, a Veil.

She was absolutely stunning, A Vision of loveliness, looking much older than I wanted to admit.

At one time, we walked down the center aisle of the church with her little hand in mine.

And I get choked up.  Big Time.

Walking her down the aisle evoked a frightening feeling in me.  It was as if I was giving her away.

I get choked up.  Fragments of tears appear in my eyes.  I don't want to give my baby away.

But she's beaming her wonderful smile.  "Daddy," she asks, "Are you OK?"

I nod that I am, but I am not.

"It's OK, Daddy," she says.  "You won't have to do this again for a long time."

I smile. "I hope not," I say.

She motions for me to bend down so she can kiss my cheek.  "See, Daddy," she says.  "It will all be all right."

I tell her the car will be full of gas when that day comes.  She pretends to understand.

"Don't cry on my dress," she advises.  "I want to look perfect."

And she does.

The Butterfly...Live at Budokan

As always - The Cast of Characters

Me (The Daddy)
The Bean: Age 8
The Butterfly: Age 6
The Darling Wife

The Buffett Puppy

 

We've enrolled The Bean and The Butterfly in an after-school program called Budokan.

It's a Martial Arts-style program where the girls go and do their homework, then learn Aikido.

Aikido is, apparently, where you learn to hit people with sticks.  

The Bean and The Butterfly are getting pretty good at hitting people with sticks.

Why, you may be asking, would we want them to learn to hit people with sticks?

"It's for their self esteem," The DW says.

I must admit, hitting people with sticks does sound like fun.  I could probably make a list.

However, I'm not sure why we want The Butterfly to hit anything, with sticks or otherwise.

Case and point.  When we good to the grocery, The Butterfly likes to carry things.

Last time, she carried a 20 pound bag of dog food through the parking lot.

That is more than 1/3 of her weight.

That's scary.  Army Ant scary.

So, The Butterfly is carrying this 20 pound bag of dog food through the lot.  It's cute.  I laugh.

Other people fail to see the humor though.  They flash me dirty looks.

So I try to take it away.  "Daddy," she says, "I got this one."

And why do I want The Butterfly to learn to hit people with sticks?