Asperger's Syndrome

Me (The Daddy)
The Bean: Age 9
The Butterfly: Age 7
The Darling Wife



A lot of my blog has revolved around looking at the humorous meltdowns The Butterfly experiences. I'm going to be upfront about this: The Butterfly is the same little girl she was before a couple of diagnoses.


I will still tease her, and hopefully won't discount her silliness altogether.  She is a very silly Butterfly, after all.


Asperger's Syndrome is in the spectrum of autism. It means she can focus hard on some things while losing track of others.  She tends to get obsessive about toys or television shows, and miss out on other opportunities surrounding her.  


BTW - Fishhooks is more annoying than Dora.  Be forewarned. And I never thought it possible to hate Scooby Doo.


The Butterfly has been diagnosed with Asperger's by one doctor. She has been deemed obsessive-compulsive by another. In any event, there is something going on with her meltdowns other than her just being a pill.

However, now that her condition has at least a couple of names, we know better how to respond to her.  When she's upset and tells us how she hates us, we know that it's not true.  It's just how she feels inside and we can do all we can to understand and quell her fears.


One thing about her is how she feels empathy. When Edward Scissorhands was left alone at the end of the film, she cried.  Ditto with Puff the Magic Dragon - Puff Piece.


We really don't know how to tell her she's different or even if we should tell her.


All we know is we love her all the same, be it Asperger's or Obsessive Compulsive or nothing, nothing at all.


She's still the same little Butterfly and we wouldn't change one little thing about her.

Sharks vs. Jets

As always - The Cast of Characters

Me (The Daddy)
The Bean: Age 8
The Butterfly: Age 6
The Darling Wife
Guest Starring: The Bee (their cousin) 
Guest Starring: My Sister, The Bee's Mother

 The Bean has three favorite holidays:

• Christmas
• Bean Day (she was born the day after Christmas)
• Halloween

The first two are self explanatory.  What kid doesn't love Christmas and her Birthday?




Halloween, however, is something The Bean gets really into.




She always wants to dress the Villain.  One year, she was the White Witch from the Narnia movies.  Another she was Catwoman.

Check that, she was Julie Newmar as Catwoman.

This year, she decked herself out as the Red Queen from Alice in Wonderland.

"Off with your head," she would say.

This didn't sit well with some of the neighborhood girls.  They were princesses and Disney characters and female Superheroes.



Was there really a Spidergirl?





Anyway, these girls didn't appreciate the fact that The Bean was dressed as their enemy.  She ostracized her.  They pointed their fingers.  They said mean things.


The Bean cried as she is wont to do.  This did not sit well with The Butterfly.


The Butterfly and two other seven-year-old girls confronted those who upset her sister.


This is where my words will fail to capture the drama and hilarity of the situation.  You're just going to have to use your imagination.


The Butterfly was decked out as Tinkerbell.  She had wings and a pointed wand with a star at its tip.


She approached the girls with The Bee and another girl flanked on her side.  She poked the leader of The Teasers in the chest with her wand.


The leader of The Teasers did not back down.  She had the numbers.  She had three flanked at her side.


The Butterfly was talking what can only be referred to as smack.  "Don't mess with my sister," she warned.


My sister, The Bee's mother, intervened.  There was not going to be a seven-year-old rumble on her watch.


I'm a bad Dad.  I sort of wanted to see what would happen.

You Can't Leave Your Hat On

As always - The Cast of Characters

Me (The Daddy)
The Bean: Age 8
The Butterfly: Age 6
The Darling Wife

Back to school; back to reality.


I returned Sunday night from a Writer's Retreat called Killer Nashville.  It's all about writing mystery thrillers about psycho killers and serial murderers.


Not exactly what I write about.  But grand fun all the same.


Especially, the Cadaver Dogs.


Kayso I get home on Sunday night and The Bean and The Butterfly are excited about their back-to-school clothes.


The Butterfly sports a shirt with a HUGE Butterfly on the side.  It sort looks like she's being pollinated. 

The Bean wears a little Catholic School Girl skirt with a matching Plaid Newsboy Hat.


I think I found the exact hat on the Internet!!!


I think I spelled 'Plaid' correctly!!!


Kayso, she's pretty psyched about this new outfit, especially the hat.


Personally, I have learned to NEVER TRUST GIRLS IN HATS.  


But that's just me.


Apparently, The Bean's school shares a similar feeling about hats.  They won't let her wear her hat in class.


But she's cool with that.  Because she's cool.

Another Milestone

As always - The Cast of Characters

Me (The Daddy)
The Bean: Age 8
The Butterfly: Age 6
The Darling Wife


The Bean is far braver than I.


Having grown up in the 80's, I tried (and often failed) to be fashion forward.


Or, at least, fashion current.


I owned Parachute Pants back when they were in style (barely).  

Damn, I was cool.

But The Bean passed another Little Girl rite this Saturday.  She got her ears pierced.  


I neither had the stomach nor the charisma to pull off pierced ears.  What if it hurt?  What if I was permanently damaged.  What if I did it and it ceased being cool? 


What if Johnny Depp didn't make 20 Pirates of the Caribbean movies?


So I wussed on getting an earring.  The Bean did not.


She held onto the DW's hand and grimaced a little.  But before you knew it, both ears were donned with shiny blue glass.


She gleamed brighter than the faux stones ever could.


The Butterfly doesn't want her ears pierced.  Ever.


I tell her that when she's ready, I'll do it with her.


I hope that Johnny Depp makes a lot of Pirate films.

Dog Pizza

As always - The Cast of Characters

Me (The Daddy)
The Bean: Age 8
The Butterfly: Age 6
The Darling Wife
The Buffett Dog!!!

The Buffett Dog (!!!) celebrated his first birthday in style.  His cousin Bolt was on hand, and he got a good run on the beach.


And he got his very own special treat - a Dog Birthday Cake - which kinda ended up looking like a pizza.  Hint - the Pepperoni-looking things are actually Canine Canadian Bacon.


They look yummy.


They're not.


Anyway, Buffett is beside himself.  He woofs (sorry) down the Doggie Cake and happily goes to play outside.


It is about 95 degrees at the beach.  Buffett is in full winter coat.  So he starts to shed.


A lot.


Combing the fur is tranquil to the DW.  It's like crack.  The more she brushes, the more tufts come out.  


End of Day One - Buffett is minus enough hair to make another whole dog.


End of Day Two - More of the same


End of Day Three - More of the same


End of Day Four - The DW has gone entirely mental.  Her black jeans are covered in golden-blonde doggie cast-offs.


She looks like a crazy cat lady.


You know, except with dogs.

Ballet Moms Go Berserk

s always - The Cast of Characters

Me (The Daddy)
The Bean: Age 8
The Butterfly: Age 6
The Darling Wife

Getting into Miss Mary’s ballet class is akin to getting into Yale.  There is a long waitlist.


Last year, The Darling Wife arose herself at 5 AM on a Saturday to sign the girls, The Bean and The Butterfly up for ballet.


She was number 86 in line.


So this year, the DW had a plan.  Camping out.


Insane.  Right?


So this year, she leaves the house at four in the afternoon and arrives at the studio.  She is number 36 in line.


36?


Yes, 36.


She has a laptop computer in tow.  A cooler filled with the basic necessities of the Atkins Diet – some kind of meat and some kind of cheese.  And a stack of books to read.  None of which were written by Yours Truly.


Rrrr.


There are men camping as well.  She will mention to me later that it was sexy for them to have camped out for their daughters.


Great.


The men, it seems, have brought a poker table and beer and cigars.  The other mommies are sipping Chardonnay in Styrofoam coffee cups.


The DW is lacking in wine.  This will not stand.


So she calls my Dad.  “Please bring me some wine,” she says.


Apparently, it’s too much trouble to stop at a store, so he brings her the best French wine he has.


“Thank you,” the DW says.  “This is for your granddaughters,” she reminds him.


This all happens around 7:00.  The mommies are already restless.  They are jockeying for position, quizzing each other as to which classes their precious pumpkins are enrolling in.


The man at the front of the line will have none of it.  “I’m not supposed to say a word,” he says.


The night eventually passes.  A bottle of French wine bites the dust.  Mommy bonding occurs.


And despite the incredible odds, The Bean and The Butterfly land in Miss Mary’s class.


And ballet Dads are sexy…


…still can’t get past that one.