Sunday, June 28, 2009

The Butterfly Effect

Me (The Daddy)
The Bean: Age 7
The Butterfly: Age 5
The Darling Wife

So why is she called 'The Butterfly'?

It's called chaos theory.

A butterfly flaps its wings in China setting off a seemingly random chain of events in my house.


Me: Do you want pizza tonight?

The Bean: Yes!

The Butterfly: Nooooo! (and she runs into the living room and cries on a pillow).

Flap, flap.

Me: But you love pizza

The Butterfly: I hate pizza. Pizza is stupid.

The Next Day -

Me: Do you want pizza tonight?

The Bean: Yes!

The Butterfly: Yes! And can we sing 'Don't Go Back to Rockville' while we wait?

Flap, flap.

Wednesday, June 24, 2009

So Why is She Called 'The Bean'?

Me (The Daddy)
The Bean: Age 7
The Butterfly: Age 5
The Loving Understanding Wife

When The Loving Understanding Wife and I married, we were what was known as 'Dinks' (Double Income No Kids - just another annoying acronym from the '90s). We lived the high life - expensive dinners, travel to Napa Valley and all the wine we could drink.

We knew we wanted kids. We wanted kids in five years.

Which was fine. Especially, considering it was a rolling five years - it was five years away and would always be five years away.

Then one day, we switched to a rolling two years. Then it was a rolling one year - which was also fine.

Then it was THAT DAY.

A friend who had already taken plunge assured me that once we started trying, it would take 1-2 years for anything to happen.

Apparently, The Loving Understanding Wife didn't get that memo.

So at the first ultrasound, before they can determine the gender, we got our picture of the baby-to-be.

Didn't so much look like a baby.

Sort of looked like a Bean.

Saturday, June 20, 2009

Life Imitating Art

Again our cast of characters -

Me (The Daddy)
The Bean: Age 7
The Butterfly: Age 5
The Loving Understanding Wife

About an hour after I'd finished Daddy I Want to go to the Beach, I was supposed to take the Bean and the Butterfly to eat at our favorite (read closest) Mexican restaurant, La Parilla. This usually involves the girls eating cheese dip for dinner; however, recently The Bean has started eating refried beans. Go figure.

In the book, the main character (Lily) won't go to the beach until her sandals, her Mermaid Barbi, her swim goggles, etc are found. By the Daddy. Lily waits and paints her toes while the Daddy looks high and low for Lily's belongings (she doesn't feel the need to help).

Lily is based loosely on The Bean. However, in this instance, it is The Butterfly's turn at bat.

Get this: I announce that it's time to get in the minivan (the convertible is in the shop, I swear.) The Bean is all excited. She dashes to the garage and proceeds to strap herself into her car seat (yeah, they grow up so fast, but it can be very convenient).

But The Butterfly throws a fit. She doesn't like the dress she's wearing. She wants the one that Grammy got her. She shrugs when I ask what it looks like.

So we go through her closet and the laundry room. I don't have a clue what I'm looking for, but somehow we find it.

Get your Crocs, I say. Let's go, I say.


Crocs are stupid. I want my sandals. SANDALS!!!

Stop me if this sounds familiar.

The Butterfly proceeds to sit on the floor and not help. So The Bean (she's come back inside wondering WTF) and I do a room-by-room search for sandals.

We finally find them and go off for a wonderful meal of beans, cheese dip and Margaritas.

And I've determined to only write happy, non-confrontational things from now on.