Another Milestone

As always - The Cast of Characters

Me (The Daddy)
The Bean: Age 8
The Butterfly: Age 6
The Darling Wife


The Bean is far braver than I.


Having grown up in the 80's, I tried (and often failed) to be fashion forward.


Or, at least, fashion current.


I owned Parachute Pants back when they were in style (barely).  

Damn, I was cool.

But The Bean passed another Little Girl rite this Saturday.  She got her ears pierced.  


I neither had the stomach nor the charisma to pull off pierced ears.  What if it hurt?  What if I was permanently damaged.  What if I did it and it ceased being cool? 


What if Johnny Depp didn't make 20 Pirates of the Caribbean movies?


So I wussed on getting an earring.  The Bean did not.


She held onto the DW's hand and grimaced a little.  But before you knew it, both ears were donned with shiny blue glass.


She gleamed brighter than the faux stones ever could.


The Butterfly doesn't want her ears pierced.  Ever.


I tell her that when she's ready, I'll do it with her.


I hope that Johnny Depp makes a lot of Pirate films.

Book Review - A Gift to My Children

OK, so I'm a Sellout.  But hey, Free Book!

I've been asked to write a review for A Gift to My Children: A Father's Lessons for Life and Investing.

When I was asked to do so, I was a bit intimidated.  As the Author of Daddy I Want, I write predominantly humorous accounts of my own ineptitude as a Father and Husband.  Jim Rogers, on the other hand, provides solid advice on how his daughters can grow both their wealth and their characters.

I am somewhat behind the curve.

I know zilch about Investing.  I dabbled in tech stocks before the Dot.Com went Dot.Bust.  By then, I was as lost as everyone else on the planet who bought IPO's of companies they'd never heard of and drooled over 3 for 1 stock splits.

I pulled what was left of my money from the market and invested in tangible things, like Dining Out and stocking the Wine Cellar.

I had doubts about reading the book as well.  I didn't think I'd like it.  But I did.  A Lot.

I can honestly say that when I reached the end, I wanted to learn more.  And not just about the Chinese economy.  The wisdom he imparts on his young daughters may seem like Common Sense, but as Voltaire wrote - "Common Sense is not so Common."

He encourages his daughters to question everything.  Conventional Wisdom reflects the past, and Truth lies in analyzing the present.  The Future cannot be predicted, but History and its context with Current Events can make predictions quite reliable.

Jim Rogers is a Cowboy.  He is a Rogue.  He ran left when others ran right.  He's motorcycled around the world earning Fortune and Fame.  And now that he's retired at the ripe old age of 37!, his higher calling of raising two daughters.

Again, you can't predict the Future, but I wouldn't bet against these young girls.

They are going to be armed to the teeth.

Now if only I had a little money to invest in the Chinese economy.

Sleeping Beauty Woke Up on the Wrong Side of Bed

As always - The Cast of Characters

Me (The Daddy)
The Bean: Age 7
The Butterfly: Age 6
The Darling Wife

The DW and I took The Bean and The Butterfly to Disney this Thanksgiving.  The girls, of course, had a blast.  They met all of their favorite characters had them sign their autograph books.


My next post will address some of the Princess Stalking that we did, but for now, let's focus on Sleeping Beauty.


That wench.


Well, it's not like I didn't bring it on myself.


I stood in an empty line (again, more on that next week), and ushered my girls up to the front.


The Bean whispered something into Sleeping Beauty's ear.

Sleeping Beauty glared at me.


The Bean giggled.


Sleeping Beauty pointed at me.  "I heard you downloaded a copy of my movie.  And that it didn't work in your DVD player."



I had no response to that.  "I have no response to that," I said.


The immortal words of The Alarm raced through my head.


I don't know why, no I don't understand
why you Sold Me Down the River...


I like that song.  Maybe I should download it.


Just kidding RIAA.

Getting Mad About the Mouse

As always - The Cast of Characters

Me (The Daddy)
The Bean: Age 7
The Butterfly: Age 6
The Darling Wife
The Buffett Puppy

The DW has gotten a bee in her bonnet that we are blowing off Thanksgiving this year and going to see the Mouse. 


The Bean and The Butterfly will be so excited!  They will jump up and down!  They will give us three cheers!  Hip, hip, hooray!!!


Right?


Right?


No.


Not right.


The Bean immediately asks if we can bring Buffett.  We tell her "No, Buffett will be staying at Grammy's house.  The Bean's eyes swell.  She starts to cry.


The Butterfly is confused by the arrangement.  She thinks we are leaving right then.  She disappears upstairs to pack.


We explain that we won't be leaving for, like, a week.


"NOOOOO!!!!!"


The Bean is now over the dog and is concentrating on the number of days we'll be there.  We say 3 and she's furious.  She wants 5.


Grammy has an expression she likes to toss around - "Ungrateful wretch".  Fitting, no?


The DW has had about enough of this.  She collars up Buffett and disappears into the night rain.  The storm outside is nothing compared to the one brewing at our dinner table.


And I'm left with two "ungrateful wretches".  I send them to their respective rooms.  It's Monday and I have football to watch.

Drop Dead Gorgeous Part II

As always - The Cast of Characters

Me (The Daddy)
The Bean: Age 7
The Butterfly: Age 6
The Darling Wife
The Buffett Puppy
Guest starring Grammy and Grumps


The DW and I convinced The Bean to wear the pretty polka dot dress for the Nordstrom Fashion Show.  She looked, of course, amazing.  The Butterfly looked amazing as well.


Now would there be any unexpected catastrophes to unhinge the festivities?


Not really.


Many of the children had issues with the Catwalk.  Some cried.  Some hid.  Some were too frightened to prance along the Red Carpet.  One wouldn't leave the Red Carpet until she'd strutted her stuff 3 times.


The Butterfly in her Blue Cheetah dress was all business.  She marched up and back down, blowing a single kiss to the DW as she returned behind the curtain.


The Bean walked out slowly, arm-in-arm with a crying girl.  She hugged her and essentially drug her along the path.  She did manage more than a few hair flips and and executed a perfect U-Turn at the end of the carpet.  Her companion ceased her tears and wiggled along to the safety of the curtain.


So, nothing funny happened.  A shame, really.


I was in a state of shock.  How did The Bean manage to smile and wave at the crowd without pitching a fit?


The Bean learned a valuable lesson about being a child runway model.  "You don't have to be happy," she explained.  "You just have to pretend to be happy."


In the end, she liked the dress.  And Grammy and Grumps were there to make sure she got to keep it.

Drop Dead Gorgeous Part I

As always - The Cast of Characters

Me (The Daddy)
The Bean: Age 7
The Butterfly: Age 6
The Darling Wife
The Buffett Puppy

Before I get started on this blog, I would like to thank all those who have become my readership.  Daddy I Want... just exceeded 500 Facebook Fans.  I am speechless.


Enough of that.


I am really good at picking out clothes.  When I shop with the DW, it is me who scours the racks, pulling multiple colors and sizes, then finding matching accessories.  I pick out nearly all her clothes.


The good ones, anyway.


Ahem.


So on Wednesday, I was presented with a new challenge - picking out clothes for The Bean and The Butterfly.  They are supposed to be in a fashion show at Nordstrom, so they must look their best.


Am I becoming one of those Stage Moms, er, Dads?


I pick a navy blue dress a subdued leopard print for The Butterfly.  She looks amazing in it.  She says she looks like a Blue Cougar.  I convince her that a Blue Cheetah might be more age appropriate.


For The Bean, I spy a brown strapless with a lilac polka dot pattern.  Unfortunately, her heart is set on a pink dress.  It's the kind of dress that a bridesmaid might wear.  If 2nd graders could get married, she'd be ready to raise a Champagne flute of Sprite.


She likes Sprite.  It fizzes.


She does not, it seems, like polka dots.  When pressed for a reason, she counters with "They're not pink!".


The DW steps in.  She talks to the lady at Nordstrom about maybe The Bean could wear the bridesmaid dress instead.  


The Nordstrom lady says - - - - - "No."


The Bean hits the Catwalk tomorrow morning.  As of right now, she doesn't know she'll be modeling a dress she hates.


Stay tuned for Part II.

Daddy I Want My Tooth Back

As always - The Cast of Characters

Me (The Daddy)
The Bean: Age 7
The Butterfly: Age 6
The Darling Wife
The Buffett Puppy

The Bean returned from school the other day as pleased as she could be. She showed me a small red box.  Then, she showed me the contents of the box.


The Bean has lost a tooth.  A canine,I think.  I don't know much Biology.  Or much about the French I took, for that matter.



When the DW comes home, The Bean is all smiles and pulling down her lip to highlight the new vacancy.


"I'm going to put this under my pillow," she announces, "and the Tooth Fairy will come and give me money."


The Bean and The Butterfly get off to bed, and now the scheming begins.


"OK, give me some money," says the DW.  "It's time for the Tooth Fairy's visit."


I give her a look like a cartoon character without any money.  


She sighs.  "All I have is a twenty.  The Bean is not getting a twenty.  The tooth market is inflated enough as it is.


She has a very good point.  The Bean and The Butterfly each get five dollars.  Back in my day, I got a dollar.  My parents were the proud recipient of a quarter.



I'm guessing their parents received a warm handshake.


So, we do the unthinkable.  We snatch the tooth and replace it with a handwritten note.  A Tooth Fairy IOU.


The next morning, The Bean brings me the paper and asks what an IOU is.


I explain that the Tooth Fairy must have run out of money and will be back tonight to "settle up".


The Bean is unimpressed.  She wants her tooth back.


Collateral.  

Worst. Halloween. Ever.

As always - The Cast of Characters

Me (The Daddy)
The Bean: Age 7
The Butterfly: Age 6
The Darling Wife
The Buffett Puppy
And guest starring, Halloween Griswold


The Bean has a thing for Halloween.  She always wants to be the villain.  Last year, she frightened the boys as Catwoman.  


This year, she opted for the White Witch of Narnia.  Why a cute little seven-year-old would opt for such an obscure costume is not exactly beyond me.  I dressed as Alex DeLarge from A Clockwork Orange a few years back.


I temporarily glued my eye shut while applying a false eyelash.


But I digress.

The Bean dons the costume, complete with evil wand.


The DW fashions a crown out of poster board.  This raises The Bean's height to about five-and-a-half feet tall. 

She is scary.  And nothing can scare her.


Except for possibly our neighbor.  He takes Halloween seriously as well.  Imagine Clark Griswold from Christmas Vaction, except he is trying to outdo his neighbors with Halloween decorations.

He has built a Haunted House in his front lawn, complete with chainsaw killers, axe murderers, strobe lights and a smoke machine.


Yes, a freaking smoke machine.



This already isn't the greatest Halloween night of all time.  It is raining cats and dogs.  The Trick-or-Treat baskets get filled with water, and the Bean's crown is soaked, causing it to droop over her eyes.



We arrive at the Haunted House and it becomes pretty clear, pretty fast that The Bean has no interest in going inside.  Halloween Griswold is at the entrance, decked out in a full body gorilla suit and skull mask.


This scares The Butterfly greatly.  She ain't going inside.  


We ask The Bean to accompany her little sister in, but The Bean is crying hysterically.  Her white makeup is running down her face.


She is inconsolable.  Halloween Griswold steps outside and removes his mask.  This, for some reason, does not seem to help.


The Bean's mean old Daddy won't let her have any candy unless she goes through, so we abandon this stop.


After about an hour, The Bean finally stops crying.  She wants to try again, but only if I go with her, and only if I yell at Halloween Griswold.


So we try again.  This time Halloween Griswold leaps through the door and startles The Fragile Bean.


More tears + more rain = Sad Bean.


Years from now, she will be talking to a therapist about the Worst. Halloween. Ever.

Daddy, Did Julie Newmar Marry Adam West?

As always - The Cast of Characters

Me (The Daddy)
The Bean: Age 7
The Butterfly: Age 6
The Darling Wife
The Buffett Puppy

Guest Starring: The Boyfriend


One of the first things the girls noticed about Australia is they only have 4 television stations.  This made them homesick.


Where was Dora the Explora? Where were Max and Ruby?  Where was Lazytown?  Where were the Wiggles?


Actually, the Wiggles were there.


So through the wonders of YouTube, The Bean and The Butterfly were introduced to Batman.  Not the tough, new gravelly-voiced Dark Knight.  No, the 1960's camp-tastic Caped Crusader.


Holy Spandex, Batman.


The Bean fell in love with Catwoman.  Check that, she wanted to be Catwoman.


Excerpts from an actual conversation - 


Me: Who do you want to be for Halloween?


The Bean: Julie Newmar.


Yes, knew which Catwoman she wanted to be.


And as luck would have it, The Bean's boyfriend (gasp) was going to be Batman for Halloween.  And he was not going as the tough, new gravelly-voiced Dark Knight.  No, The Boyfriend was going as the 1960's camp-tastic Caped Crusader.

Pow!! Zap!! Crack!!

"Daddy, Did Julie Newmar Marry Adam West?"



Zoinks!!

One Batty Family

As always - The Cast of Characters

Me (The Daddy)
The Bean: Age 7
The Butterfly: Age 6
The Darling Wife
The Buffett Puppy


The DW is in the Halloween spirit.  OK, The Bean and The Butterfly are in the Halloween spirit and The DW's just along for the ride.


We have spider web stuff on our bushes.  Now that it's rained, it looks like someone rolled our house.


We have skeletons and witches pasted in our windows.  At any given time, one or more of them could be drooping to the floor.


We have ghosts the size of shuttlecocks hanging from our trees.  Some are about 3 feet off the ground.  The Buffett Puppy hasn't noticed them yet, but he will.


And now for the bats -

The Butterfly has determined that bats are cuddly little creatures who wouldn't hurt a fly "except for that's what they eat".

The DW bought a set of 3 bats - one big, one medium & one small.  "It's a bat family," The DW explains.

"Nnnooooooo!!!!" The Butterfly screams.

"Huh?"

"That's not a bat family!"

"Sure it is," The DW soothes.  "See - Daddy, Mommy, Baby."

"That's not a bat family.  The baby bat needs a baby sister."

Really?

"Baby Sister!! Baby Sister!! Baby Sister!!"

Back to Target it is...

Pop + Sizzle = Wrinkled Nose

As always - The Cast of Characters

Me (The Daddy)
The Bean: Age 7
The Butterfly: Age 6
The Darling Wife
The Buffett Puppy

When The Bean was but 1 years-old, I first exposed her to Coca~Cola.

Cautiously, she took a sip.  You could tell that the carbonated bubbles were bursting inside her nose.  She made a face.

Then she wanted more and more until I had to take it away from her.  I thought better of a caffeinated 1 year-old on a sugar high.

At New Years Eve that year, I tried a similar experiment with Champagne.

The DW wasn't thrilled at the prospect of either a drunk or hungover 2-year-old.  My argument that it was really good Champagne didn't stand up all that well.

Fast Forward.

We met Miss K, The Butterfly's Pre-K teacher out for dinner last week. 

The reason Miss K had Pop Rocks with her in the first place is somewhat mysterious.  The fact that The Bean and The Butterfly really liked them is less so.

I suggested to The Bean that she put a big handful in her mouth, then take a big swig of Sprite.

The DW glared. 

Apparently, she didn't think that was such a good idea either.

Good thing I didn't suggest she chase them with Champagne.

Hmmm...

You're Not Paying Attention

As always - The Cast of Characters

Me (The Daddy)
The Bean: Age 7
The Butterfly: Age 6
The Darling Wife
The Buffett Puppy

Oh, the things we wish we could say...

For some reason, we went to a restaurant on a school night.  We tend to avoid doing this because the DW works pretty long hours and The Bean and The Butterfly still insist on the full battery of computer time, television programs and lullabies.


But there we were awaiting appetizers and chocolate milks to be delivered to our table.


We weren't exactly getting world class service.


The Bean's Sprite tasted a lot like water.  This is because it was water.  So our waiter vanished from our view and returned utterly astonished that the offending H20 had not miraculously transformed to Sprite.

Water to wine I'll buy.  But I'm pretty sure Jesus didn't do a lot with carbonated beverages. 

The Butterfly let her opinion known.  "He's not paying attention," she said.  She didn't exactly whisper.

"Shhh!" said the DW.

"Why?" asked The Butterfly.

"It's impolite."

"But he is not paying attention."

"It's still impolite.  What if he hears you and feels bad?"

"He won't hear me because he's not paying attention." 

Game.  Set.  Match.

Now We Are Six

As always - The Cast of Characters

Me (The Daddy)
The Bean: Age 7
The Butterfly: Age 6
The Darling Wife
The Buffett Puppy

In a previous post - You're Not Coming to My Birthday Party - The Butterfly announces that The Bean isn't invited to her party.  Yes, she's going to have a party at one of those jumpy-around places while The Bean is to sit at home and cry and not go to the jumpy-around place and have cake.  In this scenario, The Bean will wish she was a better big sister.  


That was The Butterfly's plan.


However, The Butterfly realized that there would be less presents if The Bean was not in attendance.  Surely an exception could be made, even for the most horrible of Beans.


It should be noted that The Bean and The Butterfly are generally simpatico.  They play together daily.  They sit together on the bus.  They hold occasional sleepovers in one another's room, although these don't always go so well.


But still.


The Butterfly is now 6 years-old and knows where her bread is buttered.  It would upset Grammy greatly if The Bean were denied entrance to the festivities.  It might even result in getting a lesser birthday gift. 



And we can't have that.


So The Butterfly bites the bullet.  She sacrifices a slab of cake and a juice box for one more wrapped box with frilly ribbon added to her stash.  She wants one more Barbie added to the collection.


So The Butterfly is nice.  For about 48 hours.  Once the party is over and the loot collected, she reminds The Bean what a horrible big sister she is.  She informs The Bean that these are HER toys and there will be NO sharing.


The Butterfly had discovered a loophole in the process.


God save us if she becomes a lawyer.

You Can Do Magic

As always - The Cast of Characters

Me (The Daddy)
The Bean: Age 7
The Butterfly: Age 5
The Darling Wife
The Buffett Puppy

About 3 years ago, we were at a Wendy's somewhere between Helen, GA and civilization.  And The Bean was on a tear.



She had been introduced to the concept of the Frosty a time or two before, so she was pretty focused on getting one.  Not focused enough to eat any chicken nuggets or even French Fries with extra ketchup.  But focused all the same.  This was driving the DW crazy.


Like a lot of restaurants, Wendy's takes the opportunity to take easy listening rock, such as Dan Fogelberg or Fleetwood Mac, and make them even easier listening by stripping out the lyrics.


They did the same to America's You Can Do Magic.

Unfortunately for the DW, I knew the words.


I serenade The Bean with the song.  This does not help matters in the least.


"You can do magic," I sing. "You can have anything that you desire."

The DW was getting perturbed.


"You know darn well, when you cast your spell, you get your way..."

"You're not helping," warns the DW.


The Bean was digging this.  Her Daddy is serenading her with a song about how she will get anything she wants. And she wants a Frosty.


I am giggling uncontrollably.  The Bean will be getting her frozen dairy whether she eats her chicken nuggets or not. This is, perhaps, not the best parenting technique.  But her eyes have grown expanded from pretty blue orbs into really, really big pretty blue orbs.  She probably doesn't enjoy my singing voice, but her 4-year-old mind is wrapped around the lyrics.


"Do you really want her to grow up thinking," the DW chides, "that all she has to do is smile and her Daddy will give in to her every whim?"


Well, yes.


"Fine," the DW concedes.


As if on cue, the song ends and the Eagles follow.


Pretty (sic) girls just seem to find out early
How to open doors with just a smile...

That Bean.  She is going to make some poor sap miserable.



And he'll have her Daddy to blame.

Butterfly Rage or Constructive Mess?

As always - The Cast of Characters

Me (The Daddy)
The Bean: Age 7
The Butterfly: Age 5
The Darling Wife
The Buffett Puppy

The picture probably says it all, but I'll give you the background anyway.

Act I


The Butterfly gets off the bus.  She's happy because school is out and The Buffett Puppy and I are waiting for her at the bus stop.


OK, maybe she's just happy to see The Buffett Puppy.


"It's ballet day!" I cheerfully announce.


And away we go...


"I don't want to go to ballet!  Ballet is stupid!"


"But it's Wednesday.  Wednesday is always ballet day."


"Not this Wednesday."


"Your cousin will be there.  Don't you want to see her at ballet?"


"No!  I want to eat Pop Tarts!"


As documented in Ballet Hair, I have a bit of a problem with ballet day as it is.  So I'm feeling both a sense of guilt and one of relief, when she says this.  OK, mostly relief.


I give her Pop Tarts and call the DW, who, for some reason, answers her phone.



"The Butterfly doesn't want to go to ballet.  She just wants to eat Pop Tarts." 



The Butterfly gets to talk on the phone.  Actually, she just screams into the phone and hangs up.


I assert my manly stature.  "OK, you don't have to go to ballet.  But no TV for you.  You can go to your room."


"I don't want to go to my room!  I want to go to ballet!  I want to see my cousin!"


It is important to note that ballet is about 20 minutes away, and it takes me about 20 minutes to get her dressed.  Ballet Hair not included.


Oh, the class has already started and we're still at home.


"It's too late," I say.  "Ballet will be over by the time we get there."


"You're an idiot!" she screams and slams her door.


Time passes.  The Butterfly calms down.  She emerges from her room.  She is sorry she pointed out the fact that I'm an idiot.


Act II


Apology accepted.  On with the TV.

It appears that The Buffet Puppy has eschewed all his toys and chewed up a roll of paper towels.  I, get this, look for the vacuum cleaner.


This is when I notice The Butterfly's room.  It looks like a bomb went off.  The DW is not going to be thrilled at my household management.


But instead, the DW helps her clean the mess and discovers that about half her clothes no longer fit.  She packs them into bags.  She is gearing up for consignment.


Butterfly Rage = Consignment Sale = Cash In Pocket.


Such a smart girl, that Butterfly is.

Disco WAS his Name-O

As always - The Cast of Characters

Me (The Daddy)
The Bean: Age 7
The Butterfly: Age 5
The Darling Wife
And The Dog Formerly Know As Disco

It is possible, it seems, to name a puppy too quickly.  A proper name should take into account several factors.  Does the name suit the dog?  Does the name suit the family?

Does it make you embarrassed to introduce the dog to manly, Not Stay-At-Home Dads at the bus stop?

Do you really to be guy shouting 'Disco' at the top of your lungs when the dog runs into the street?  "Here Disco!  Here Disco Doggie!" I would shout, checking my manhood at the door.

So proper naming protocol should take so serious thought.  Perhaps not so much thought as Holly Golightly did in Breakfast at Tiffany's when she settled on naming her cat, 'Cat'.  But surely there is a happy medium.

So we're wrestling with two non-Disco names now.  "Brand New Country Star" which is a song on Jimmy Buffett's album, Living and Dying in 3/4 Time so we can call him 'Buffet'.

Or "Beach Music", so we can call him 'Shag'.  Or "Beach Music" and call him 'Buffett'.  The DW likes that and usually gets her way.

For fairly obvious reasons, we're leaning towards 'Buffett' because we don't want to evoke the frightening spectre of Austin Powers.  Plus, at some point, the The Bean and The Butterfly will catch on that they've been calling their Best Friend a euphemism for sex.  The thought makes even me shudder.

'Disco' had been a hard sell on The Butterfly to begin with.  She was lobbying hard for 'Bingo', so any opportunity to rid the family of that name was reminiscent of the Chicago White Sox ill-conceived Disco Demolition night in 1979.  Disco records were actually exploded on the field in between a twilight double-header.  That fiasco went about as well as could be expected.

The Butterfly LOVES Jimmy Buffett songs, so much so that she knows all the words to "Volcano" and "Fins".  We're still working towards "Margaritaville".

Enter The Bean.  Her feet are firmly in the 'Disco' camp.  "Buffett is a stupid name," she counters.  "Disco already has a name.  It's 'Disco'."

I point out that he mostly just lays near the fireplace and sleeps.  In fact, he sleeps a lot.  Maybe we should cut back on the Whiskey in his Water and add more Sugar in his Tea.  He dozed to the funky tunes of The Trammps' "Disco Inferno" and yawned at the Brothers Gibb falsettos in "Stayin' Alive".

I also pointed out that he hasn't had any household accidents ever since I've been calling him 'Buffett'.

Wait.

Scratch that.

Happiness is a Wet Puppy

As always - The Cast of Characters

Me (The Daddy)
The Bean: Age 7
The Butterfly: Age 5
The Darling Wife
And introducing Disco Doggie

The great philosopher Charles M. Schultz once wrote that "Happiness is a Warm Puppy".  John Lennon had a slightly different take on it, but this rare instance, Lennon could not be more wrong.

The Bean and The Butterfly saw that their cousins had a beautiful Golden Retriever puppy.  This resulted in what can only be called the Greatest Ad Campaign ever envisioned by a seven-year-old mind.

The Bean taped notebook paper to our most of our walls with crude sketches of a dog and the tag line: Only Thing I Want.

After a day, The Butterfly joined the effort.  Blue Post-It notes now covered our walls, and I found them impossible to ignore.

I've written the text for a children's book called Daddy I Want a Puppy in which the main character Lily uses her seven-year-old wiles to convince her father that a puppy would be a good idea.  She also tries to convince him that it should be the rest of the family that performs the walking, bathing and scooping duties.

Life Imitating Art all over again.

I did what any good father would do when faced with insurmountable pressure: I caved.

Lily The Bean has succeeded.  Disco Doggie is adorable.  He is a honey-colored Golden puppy and is curled at my feet as I write this.

The DW takes Disco Doggie outside every time he whimpers.  He mostly just rolls in the grass and comes back drenched and muddy.  He then proceeds to "do his business" on the carpet.  The fact that so much "business" could come out a little body is astounding.

But Disco Doggie is here for the long haul.  The fact that he eats socks and shoe laces and growls at his reflection in the mirror makes him all the more lovable.

True Happiness may very well be a Wet Puppy.

Puff Piece

As always - The Cast of Characters

Me (The Daddy)
The Bean: Age 7
The Butterfly: Age 5
The Darling Wife

The Bean and The Butterfly had a Book Fair at their school on Tuesday.  The DW and I encourage them to pick out lots of books.

The Bean returns with her usual fare - books on Dora, on Barbie, on the Wiggles.  I quickly nix these and send her back to find "good" books.

Amid all the books based on rubbish television series and Disney princesses, I find an old classic - Puff, the Magic Dragon.  I essentially order The Butterfly to add it to her pile.  She does so happily.  She likes the idea of a Magic Dragon.

Did I happen to mention that the Book Fair was on September 15?

We get home and start to read the book in a sing song fashion.

Puff the Magic Dragon lived by the sea
And frolicked in the autumn mist in a land called Honalee 
Little Jackie Paper loved that rascal Puff,
And brought him strings and sealing wax and other fancy stuff 

Adorable lyrics.  Wonderful imagery.  I'm checking out travel brochures for Honalee as we speak.

But then... (ominous music) -

A dragon lives forever but not so little boys
Painted wings and giant rings make way for other toys.
One grey night it happened, Jackie Paper came no more
And Puff that mighty dragon, he ceased his fearless roar.

His head was bent in sorrow, green scales fell like rain,
Puff no longer went to play along the cherry lane.
Without his life-long friend, Puff could not be brave,
So Puff that mighty dragon sadly slipped into his cave.

The Butterfly began to sob uncontrollably.  She refuses to turn the page and insists on staying with Puff as he cries in his cave.  Jackie Paper abandons Magic Dragons.  Butterflies do not.

Did I mention the Book Fair was on September 15?  Did I mention that I learned from The Crazy Baby Mama that Mary Travers (Mary from Peter, Paul and Mary) died the following morning?

Perhaps The Butterfly's crocodile tears were more poignant than we thought.  Perhaps in some strange way The Butterfly knew to hold Puff close.

Perhaps Mary Travers stayed with us long enough to ensure Puff was in warm, safe and loving hands.

Ants Marching

As always - The Cast of Characters

Me (The Daddy)
The Bean: Age 7
The Butterfly: Age 5
The Darling Wife

The DW and I were doing a random bit of cleaning.

The Bean enjoys this.  Well, actually she only enjoys spraying blue stuff on glass and wiping it up.

But this was a special cleaning.  This involved the vacuum.

The Bean and The Butterfly are not supposed to eat in the living room.  This is a rule, but one they interpret as more of a guideline.

The DW got it in her head that this was also the perfect time to rearrange the furniture.  So I went all He-Man and moved the heaviest chair in the house.  Beneath it was a veritable treasure chest of puzzle pieces and Barbie clothes and small stuffed things.  The Bean enthusiastically picked them up and put them in, what I can only imagine, the appropriate toy box.

We also have one of those Monster Wrap-Around Couches.  Guess what else I had to move?

The Bean was suddenly less interested in cleaning.  She sprinted into the DW's office and hid under the desk.

Beneath the Monster Wrap-Around Couch, we discovered about 30 candy wrappers.

I found The Bean without too much trouble.  She isn't very good at hiding.

I asked The Bean "what was up with all the candy wrappers?".

The Bean isn't very good at lying either.

She explains that these Giant Ants had put the candy wrappers under the couch.

I ask a follow up question - "did the Giant Ants also eat the candy?"

The Bean wasn't ready for this one.  She looked at the floor and said that "no, she ate the candy.  But it was the Giant Ants who didn't throw away the wrappers because they don't believe in recycling."

I asked where the Giant Ants were now.

"They're gone.  I shooed them away."

Somewhere Dave Matthews is smiling.

Ballet Hair

As always - The Cast of Characters

Me (The Daddy)
The Bean: Age 7
The Butterfly: Age 5
The Darling Wife

I am now convinced there is a pecking order amongst we Stay At Home Dads.

There is the Little League SAHD.  The Tennis SAHD.  The Soccer SAHD.

Then there is the Ballet SAHD.  I could not be less in my element being a Ballet SAHD.
                   
There was one other Ballet SAHD at the studio.  He refuses to make eye contact with me.

The image to the right is what Ballet Hair is supposed to look like.

My version didn't look much like this at all.  In fact, my version might be considered a crime against hair.

It's not that hard according to My Sister.

"First, you brush her hair," she says.  I think I've blogged before about my incompetence with this task.

"Then you make a tight pony tail, twirl it into a bun, hold it in place with some bobby pins, add the scrunchie, and affix more bobby pins."

Huh?

"Just try it."

As luck would have it, The Butterfly was first in line.

“Hold still, Little Butterfly,” I say.

As expected, The Butterfly doesn't hold very still, but I did my best.

My Sister remarks that she "looks like she fell off the turnip truck".  So she swoops in and within a couple of minutes, The Butterfly has perfect Ballet Hair.

I watched.  I took notes.  I was ready for Prime Time.  I was ready for The Bean.

The Bean held very still and I performed all of the steps above.

Her hair comes a-tumbling down and the scrunchie falls to the floor.

The Bean kisses me.  “Thank you for trying, Dad,” she says.