As always - The Cast of Characters
Me (The Daddy)
The Bean: Age 7
The Butterfly: Age 6
The Darling Wife
The Buffett Puppy
And guest starring, Halloween Griswold
The Bean has a thing for Halloween. She always wants to be the villain. Last year, she frightened the boys as Catwoman.
This year, she opted for the White Witch of Narnia. Why a cute little seven-year-old would opt for such an obscure costume is not exactly beyond me. I dressed as Alex DeLarge from A Clockwork Orange a few years back.
I temporarily glued my eye shut while applying a false eyelash.
But I digress.
The Bean dons the costume, complete with evil wand.
The DW fashions a crown out of poster board. This raises The Bean's height to about five-and-a-half feet tall.
She is scary. And nothing can scare her.
Except for possibly our neighbor. He takes Halloween seriously as well. Imagine Clark Griswold from Christmas Vaction, except he is trying to outdo his neighbors with Halloween decorations.
He has built a Haunted House in his front lawn, complete with chainsaw killers, axe murderers, strobe lights and a smoke machine.
Yes, a freaking smoke machine.
This already isn't the greatest Halloween night of all time. It is raining cats and dogs. The Trick-or-Treat baskets get filled with water, and the Bean's crown is soaked, causing it to droop over her eyes.
We arrive at the Haunted House and it becomes pretty clear, pretty fast that The Bean has no interest in going inside. Halloween Griswold is at the entrance, decked out in a full body gorilla suit and skull mask.
This scares The Butterfly greatly. She ain't going inside.
We ask The Bean to accompany her little sister in, but The Bean is crying hysterically. Her white makeup is running down her face.
She is inconsolable. Halloween Griswold steps outside and removes his mask. This, for some reason, does not seem to help.
The Bean's mean old Daddy won't let her have any candy unless she goes through, so we abandon this stop.
After about an hour, The Bean finally stops crying. She wants to try again, but only if I go with her, and only if I yell at Halloween Griswold.
So we try again. This time Halloween Griswold leaps through the door and startles The Fragile Bean.
More tears + more rain = Sad Bean.
Years from now, she will be talking to a therapist about the Worst. Halloween. Ever.